Passing of One of My Mission Presidents

One of my Mission Presidents passed away about a week ago - President Lavon Gifford. He was obviously a great man -- very "by the rules" in my opinion. It scared me to be a missionary under him as times because I was scared to screw up. My mission was a very formative time in my life especially the middle to the end. Even though he was strict, I appreciate President and Sister Gifford's service to me. Below is a Facebook post I shared about him (probably more about me).

I was scared of President Gifford. Maybe not scared but very intimidated by some of the crazy things he had asked me to do. Having never seen missionary leave or come back from the military wards I was in growing up didn’t help. President Gifford being an ex-Marine was intimidating to me because I saw and dealt with Marines daily. When serving with Hans Petersen and Kilpack in Anchorage President Gifford asked me to learn Spanish to help my companions. Having taken 4 years of Spanish, still not knowing a word and having a fluent Spanish speaking father, I personally feel like not learning Spanish was and is one of my biggest failures. I told him I couldn't do it and he told me to try.

He had me serve with a very difficult missionary and when I asked to serve with someone who actually wanted to work, he told me to stick it out. I told him I was going to punch him in the face and he told me I probably shouldn’t do that. That threat reveals more about me as a man and as a missionary at the time than I care to admit.

Zone Conference with the stress on memorizing was crazy looking back now knowing I had an undiagnosed learning disorder. I hated being called on. I hated not knowing what to say.

This was way too personal and probably reveals more about me at the time than President Gifford. Seeing all these memories sort of makes me feel sorry for him and Sister Gifford because they had to deal with me.

I was grateful to have known him. I am grateful to have served under him. Like Shane mentioned, the knee-slapping was one of the first things that reminded me he had a sense of humor and might not be the scary man I thought he was.

Environment of Fear

As I have managed people for a little over a month (now it has been almost two years--that is how long I have been working on this silly post) I am amazed by how people are scared of making mistakes. Sometimes this pressure is placed on themselves unnecessarily. Sometimes others seek to control others by placing this pressure of fear so they can (appear to) have more power and control. We are only controlled by those we allow to control us.

Fear of failure is a good thing when limited. Fear of making mistakes isn't a good thing. In fact, it breeds more mistakes. The more you stress the more you screw up.

Making mistakes is OK. Learning from them makes them even better.

Great article on being scared of everything and a great way to parent your kids.
Great article on fear in the workplace!!

Fear is in Scouting. We ask them to do a lot of stuff they have not done before most of all to have confidence in themselves.

I gotta admit, there is a lot of fear in my life right now. Most of it as a parent. Fear that a child will cut off ties because they don't like the way you parent and have two homes to live in.

There Are a Lot of BSA Elephants in the Room

There have been a lot of huge changes in the BSA recently. I haven't said much because I am still trying to wrap my head around it but yesterday's change and a message from my brother in law this morning asking me when I was going to say something spurred this post.

First change - the LDS Church has dropped the Varsity Program as well as the Venturing program. This blog was based on my love of the Varsity program so you know I hate this change. I think if leaders had used the Varsity and Venturing program right this wouldn't have had to happen but we are past that point. Dead point in fact. The fact that leaders were not getting trained and sucked at their calling and helping youth run the program has been the reason it has died. I am not bitter at all.

Second - the new program the LDS Church is running for the 14 - 18 year old is lame. It provides no leadership skills for the leaders OR the boys. Learning to become a leader is a huge key to success. The Scouting program had a leadership learning skill element for both adult and Scout. I mean no one got trained but at least they had the opportunity to get trained. The good thing I do see about this is that maybe now the money usually spent on the Varsity/Venturing program will actually be shared with the Young Women program of the Church. I have actually heard of ward ditching Scouting as a whole after Cubs and telling Scouts who rank under Life that they can't continue to Scout. These are lies.....

Third - the BSA announced that they are admitting girls with the potential of  being able to earn Eagle. You would think I wouldn't like this idea but I do. I know a lot of Scout leaders who also serve as Girl Scout leaders who will now probably just sit in one program who serves their kids as a whole. Girl Scouts has not been doing so hot lately so the BSA was smart to tear away another huge part of their leaders and Scouts. I want to say girls are going to do awesome in this program. In fact I am pretty sure the number of Eagle Scouts are going to shoot up because of them. This change probably was an option for a while but the LDS Church not registering a lot of boys probably fed this fire to drive up registration. I do think this will create some small gender issue problems but to remind some of my thousands and thousands of readers girls have been here for years - in Venturing, in Exploring and in Sea Scouts.

Fourth - This change will have NO effect on the new version of limited Scouting the LDS Church does. Girls won't be admitted in the LDS program and that is probably a good idea because girls will outshine the boys in their own program. This will be the last nail in the LDS BSA relationship and I want everyone to write this date down because three years from now the LDS Church won't be using the BSA's program.

SEAL Ethos

The SEAL Trident

I need to do more "find a way or make a way".........

I am having a hard time staying focused. Distractions, interruptions, seeming constant change, negativity from others, negativity from myself, I have allowed others who describe themselves as friends to get into my head for bad and not for good, etc. I am accountable for my attitude and actions and I need to change some things (nothing crazy huge) though my life is going very well right now. In reading the SEAL Ethos tonight in a book, I am reminded of a time where I was more focused and I moved with more purpose. My family deserves this. Replace team with wife/family and replace Trident with attitude when reading. 

In times of war or uncertainty there is a special breed of warrior ready to answer our Nation’s call. A common man with uncommon desire to succeed. Forged by adversity, he stands alongside America’s finest special operations forces to serve his country, the American people, and protect their way of life. I am that man.

My Trident is a symbol of honor and heritage. Bestowed upon me by the heroes that have gone before, it embodies the trust of those I have sworn to protect. By wearing the Trident I accept the responsibility of my chosen profession and way of life. It is a privilege that I must earn every day. My loyalty to Country and Team is beyond reproach. I humbly serve as a guardian to my fellow Americans always ready to defend those who are unable to defend themselves. I do not advertise the nature of my work, nor seek recognition for my actions. I voluntarily accept the inherent hazards of my profession, placing the welfare and security of others before my own. I serve with honor on and off the battlefield. The ability to control my emotions and my actions, regardless of circumstance, sets me apart from other men. Uncompromising integrity is my standard. My character and honor are steadfast. My word is my bond.

We expect to lead and be led. In the absence of orders I will take charge, lead my teammates and accomplish the mission. I lead by example in all situations. I will never quit. I persevere and thrive on adversity. My Nation expects me to be physically harder and mentally stronger than my enemies. If knocked down, I will get back up, every time. I will draw on every remaining ounce of strength to protect my teammates and to accomplish our mission. I am never out of the fight.

We demand discipline. We expect innovation. The lives of my teammates and the success of our mission depend on me – my technical skill, tactical proficiency, and attention to detail. My training is never complete. We train for war and fight to win. I stand ready to bring the full spectrum of combat power to bear in order to achieve my mission and the goals established by my country. The execution of my duties will be swift and violent when required yet guided by the very principles that I serve to defend. Brave men have fought and died building the proud tradition and feared reputation that I am bound to uphold. In the worst of conditions, the legacy of my teammates steadies my resolve and silently guides my every deed. I will not fail.

I have worked very hard at doing this at work and I think I have had limited success. I can't force people to get along or to have better attitudes -- I can only work on me. I need to work on me in my family.

Are you an egg or a potato?

Are you an egg or a potato?

What are you made of?

What does pressure and stress do to you?

What happens to you when life throws you a HUGE curve ball?

Where do you go to relieve stress? Or who do you talk to to vent?

If you know anything about my story in the past 4 years, I have had experienced some pretty crap stuff*. Nothing horrible but life likes to kick me in the gut and the Lord likes to humble me often. My circumstances have not made me who I am but they have molded what I have learned in life. 

There are some in my life that I see being pushed around by life. To them, I say don't give up. People care about you. 

So back to the original question - are you an egg or a potato? Life can be a boiling pot of water. By placing the egg in the boiling water you harden the insides of the egg.  By placing the potato in the boiling water you soften the potato. 

*Life is on the upswing. And it is a HUGE upswing. I was reminded of that today when seeing a doctor for the first time in almost 20 years.

Mema - Jealous of a Grandmother

This is my wife's grandmother on her dad's side - her Mema. This weekend we went to visit Christi Jo's family in her home town. When we had to leave for home we went to see her Mema that lives in a Nursing Home. 


Having a father in the military and not growing up around my grandparents, I felt kind of jealous of my wife. I wish I had knows my grandparents better and I wish I had known my parent's family better. It is kind of sad not knowing them because we lived as far as we did. 

I don't think being jealous is a good thing - except for something like this.

Wood Badge 120 - The Quartermaster of All Quatermasters

I don't think I have ever been so tired in my life. Ever. 

Wood Badge was awesome and harder than any other Scout event I have ever participated in. Hard in a good way and hard in a bad way. I should have learned from being an Assistant Quartermaster how difficult it would be. Even now 8 days after Wood Badge my body is tired and achy. My feet still hurt like no other. My body pops and cracks when I move (OK, that might be because I am partly old).* Seriously, my feet still stinking hurt. Like hurt after a Goruck event.

How much stuff can you cram in a Jeep? A ton.

The Quartermaster touches everything on our course and by that I mean everything that the Scribes don't touch - for me I can see that both of these jobs are just ridiculously involved (I have never served as a Scribe). When things were needed everyone comes to the Quartermaster. I would have been a billionaire if I got paid every time I heard "Go ask the Quartermaster." I will say I have had dreams of being the Quartermaster on a Philmont Course where the Quartermaster doesn't cook (and for the record, according to my Council's rules I can't serve as Quartermaster again so this will never happen). Not being able to serve again as QM is probably a blessing and a curse. I think I could handle things a bit better and plan a ton better. I put a ridiculous amount of stress on myself because I wanted to cook good food and come in under budget.  The budget was one of my biggest worries. I saw so many examples of how to manage the budget from breaking down costs in each meal to manage the budget individually in each day to just planning a menu and then making changes to make sure you are under budget through substitution. I tried extremely hard to use a lot of the same ingredients in meals so that I didn't use something just once. This also created a fear of not having diversity in the food I planned on serving. Stupid fears? Probably but there is nothing worse than bad food at a Scout event. Nothing..............

My staff was great. They really worked hard and did everything I asked of them on course. We had a lot of fun and we worked our butts off (in 8 days on course my Fitbit said I walked 65 miles!!). If anyone said my staff didn't pull their weight, I would probably attempt to run them down to hurt them but my feet probably wouldn't allow it.

All work and no play makes a lame Quartermaster Staff.

I got to meet very quickly Charles W. Dahlquest II who was at one point the LDS Church's Young Men President.**

At one point during the course, we had a huge meal to cook and I also became short-staffed (family and providing for your family ALWAYS comes first). I got to invite a Wood Badge friend and my wife to come help cook in the kitchen kind of on short notice. My wife watched us sing, she watched us sing Back to Gilwell, etc. She told me later "I finally get it. I finally get why you Scout." At one point I even heard her singing her own version of Back to Gilwell called "Happy Gilwell" a few days after her visit. Having her understand why I Scout it huge. Christi Jo has been a huge calming force for me since the preparation for this course started and when I was ready to lose it due to stress. 

Nothing like having fun during lunch!

I think for now I will be stepping aside for a while from Wood Badge. I want to do another course - I want to be clear about that but it has to be well timed in my life. Doing back to back courses has been extremely hard on me. I wouldn't change it but getting married in between courses (and not knowing I was getting married) was a huge surprise. Getting married was an easy decision thanks to Christi Jo. Serving on a Wood Badge course is an easy decision knowing who I was serving under. Learning how to balance both of those responsibilities is extremely hard especially when I probably micromanaged myself a little more than needed.

I am sad and glad this course is over. Glad for new friends and sad that it won't be like it was before.

* I am preparing for another Goruck event in about 2 months with a honeymoon in about a 3 weeks. I am busy and my body keeps telling me to slow down. More on this in a post later.

** Charles W. Dahlquest II bio. He currently is serving as the BSA's National Commissioner.

Why I hate Christmas

The past 20 years of Christmas have been painful for me. I was just in the wrong place with the wrong people. Holidays were really not ever about anything I wanted as a father and as the head of a home. I am sure that sounds a bit selfish but I tried for years to establish family traditions. What I wanted for my family was sort of overwritten by what extended family wanted especially when it put us out and wasn't really asked but just sort of told to me.

Last year I took my holidays into my own hands. I finally had the ability to make things different after a VERY difficult summer. That was probably the worst summer I have ever experienced. Those who know what happened know how deadly painful it was for me. After such a difficult summer, at Christmas time I created a plan to quietly serve others with ditch stuff on people's doorsteps, ringing their doorbell and running like the wind (OK, I am fat -- I ran more like a cow with a bad leg that should be put down with a bullet to the head). By following the advice of friend and religious leader I went out of my way to bake and deliver goodies to some of the people around me.

I love this tree!!!

This year has already been different. Different like not only physically but also spiritually and emotionally. Christmas music has new meaning. I have actually liked it after years of not liking it. Shopping for presents has been easy. My kids have finally been stress free in my home. Remembering what my God has done for me has been easier  and when I occasionally forget I am reminded quickly by my better half. Even after hearing last week I have to go back to court AGAIN I feel like there might be hope. 

This Christmas for me is about hope especially through adversity. 
It is about not being alone.
It is about my kids not being alone.
It is about having the same goals.
It is about not ever giving up.
It is about two loves. The love of my Savior and the love of my beautiful wife (and having more fun with her - she is a blast!!)

Here is to hoping that this Christmas and 2017 destroys 2016 and 2015. I am ready to catch my breath. Ready to see more of the good than the bad. 

I am ready to just be happy!!

More life changes --- I should just expect them....

The more you want things to stay the same the more they seem to change. Life has served up some great and scary changes.

Last summer I wanted to sell my house and get a new start. Due to a family legal battle over kids, moving in the middle of the situation would not have helped my children. In fact, at the time I felt like it could actually hurt them. I have lived in the same home for 15 years. For a military brat that is a long time. I have never lived anywhere longer that 8 years. Little Elm has been my home. I love it here. I have friends. I know the community - I actually feel like I am a part of the community. I feel like I am part of my congregation. I love everything about Denton County and Little Elm. It is who I feel like I am. But my house......  It has been the location of a lot of turmoil in my life. The house is fine. It has great bones. It is where I have raised by kids. They love it there too. But my house..... There are a lot of memories there. Most minus my kids are not so great. Failed marriages, it sits empty more days due to my kids not being there while I work from the office now and now my commute is ridiculous due to taking a promotion.

So it is time to make a change with my house and sell it. I am very sad about this. More sad is the fact that I won't get to interact weekly with men like Alex, Josue, Clint, Russ, Josh, Brandon, Jeff, Tyler, etc. I could go on and on. Some have moved on themselves and I guess I just remember the "good old days".

Work has been extremely hard. Under-staffed like no other. I think the only way to fix this is utter failure. Warnings have been given but not heeded. I can only counsel.

The biggest change in my life as of late is Christi Jo. Just when you are done with relationships, the Lord humbles you. He knows better than I do. He reminds me often. When you are not looking, you usually find what you need. And I have. I don't know how else to describe her other than perfect for me and even more perfect for my kids.* My kids were bugging me quick to marry her quick. My oldest was the slowest to come around to this idea -- he was being protective especially after a therapist told me I should share in general terms what happened in the last marriage. I did. His eyes were opened. I have felt a ton more compassion from him (though he still gives me grief) and I actually heard him tell me twice "Wow Dad. You have been through a lot." He is right. I know the Lord knows me and loves me. I know He knows me personally. For whatever reason he has given me a ton of trials (at least I see it that way--others might not). This blog has only contained a small portion of what has happened in my last bit of life. The main reason is I don't want to air dirty laundry some of it my own. I have shared though in hoping someone will see there is hope and honestly it is therapeutic for me write down my feelings.

                                                   

My oldest though came around and came around quick and fast about Christi Jo telling me to hurry up and marry her. 

I know what is right. I know what is right for my kids. I know I have answers. I know I need a mate who loves me, who will serve me and who will let me grow and do the things I love to do - like Scouting. I don't want to spill my guts here but I will say I know she loves me. She is a good woman who loves my kids. I know it won't be easy - marriage usually never is. I just know she won't quit and neither will I. So we are getting married and blending families. It will be an awesome, horrible, sucky, rewarding, painful, stressful, interesting ride. I am ready to do it with her. I love her.

Today ended my 60 days of summer possession with my kids. It is usually a hard day. And it has been difficult but I gave my kids their before school blessings before they left today. My oldest got some very clear direction in his and for the first time in a long time I got a heartfelt and long hug from him when I was done. We both cried. I have cried a lot lately. Mostly good. Some bad. Christi had heard me mention it is usually a bad day for me when they go home after summer visitation and asked the kids to each pick out a card for me. It was just what I needed. I am glad she listens and my kids express to me how much they love me.

So in addition to selling a house and getting married, I am staffing another Wood Badge course. To be honest, this is probably where I am most comfortable as of late in my life. I have a lot work to do but I am ready.

With all these changes I cannot fail. I will not fail. I have already done enough failing.

*My kids were really hurt in my last marriage. Really hurt. My youngest the most. She was used as an emotional punching bag. Hence I created a "5 year plan" to date but not marry. I didn't want her to experience that again. Not child who you say you accept as your own deserves to be neglect like that even if you think I am a horrible person ESPECIALLY when you trust me enough to 3 years prior to adopt and be sealed to your daughter. The anger and frustration is gone on my part but I don't forget when you purposely hurt my child especially when I tried to protect you from you own kids when they attacked you. My youngest (and the boys) deserve a hell of a lot better than that. There is no hate or anger on my part. I just know what I will accept now and treating my kids like that doesn't fly. EVER.

Life Changes

This weekend I had the great opportunity to see three of my Scouts graduate from High School. It is a huge reminder about how old I am getting. It is great to see these three become men and make decisions on what they want to do with life whether that is mission or college. I am very proud of all three. We are getting close to changing what I am called - Brother Fisher to Chad. It is weird when it happens but I have had Scouts move to being a peer. It is great to see it.

Yesterday I had the opportunity to go to a funeral outside of Dallas for a co-worker's son. It is tragic what happened to him but this funeral gave her the opportunity to sort of put closure on a horrible situation and gave some of my co-workers and I the opportunity to support her. She doesn't ask for help ever but during this time she allowed me to me to serve her through making her a bunch of meals and bringing them to her. I am glad she let me serve. It was interesting to see and hear stories of her son. I had only met him 2 or 3 times and he was going through a rough spot in life at the time but it is clear that he was on the road to getting things back together. He looked like he was fun to be around and always had a smile on his face.

After the funeral I was able to celebrate with two of my Scouts at a graduation party. It was interesting to see them walk around and interact with people. Another almost Eagle was there hanging out with them (reminder to self - help fill out his Eagle Rank Application). Eagle is no measure of a boy's greatness for sure but I am glad they saw it through. I am struggling with the fact that my oldest chose not to get his but the choice was his - I think I will always struggle with this. It is very clear that the Scouting program is doing good things and working to make these boys better men. I am actually seeing it. I think about the all the young men that have entered "my" Scouting program and how they have all gone on to be productive and awesome.

One of my graduating Scouts will be having his Eagle Court of Honor this Thursday. Really proud that he finally earned it. He was constantly working on it through the help of awesome parents and a gentle reminder here and there from me to help nudge him to get it done. He did the work. We sure didn't. His project was PERFECT for who he was. I am working on his Trail to Eagle presentation and minus some crappy production value I might not be able to overcome it will be very personal to who he is. I may post it here after the event.

I have a lot to be grateful for. I look at these young men and couldn't be more proud of who they are.

Uber Ride from Hell

Uber is a cheap alternative to a cab. I have never taken a cab before due to price. When they cancelled Carry the Load, they wanted us to hike back to basecamp to hide from the storm.  If you tell me I am done, don't then make me walk back in the rain. I decided to hire an Uber to carry Christi and I back to our cars since David was gone - I was going to have them drop Christi at her car and then proceed to drop me off at my car. I ordered the Uber at 3:05 AM. The Uber that was dispatched was 4 minutes away.................

30 minutes later I had watched this cab drive literally all over but not to the spot where we were waiting. Then I noticed she had already started to bill me for the ride....... My first Uber wasn't going well.  So finally she found us which with Google Maps isn't really that hard. I mean seriously. It isn't that hard. The app loads a map in for you to use not only to get to the location for pick up but to then get them where they need to go. Ezzy peazzy.

So when we got in I typed in the location of where we need to go and lets just say a 4 minute drive became like a 12 minute ride from hell. Our driver admitted she didn't know the area and then admitted she didn't know what she was doing. We kind of figure that. Then she proceeded to drive like a frackin' bat out of hell in the rain. I seriously was scared for my life. She almost ran 2 stop signs. I look over and Christi is laughing and I am almost crying.

I tried to be nice and offer suggestions. They were sort of overlooked.

A $4 fair ended up bring almost $15. I contacted Uber and the changed the fair to $7. Still not really happy about the whole situation. If I were a driver I would be mortified if I did this.

Needless to say we got to our cars. We survived but I want my $2 back*. Uber I will make you pay!!

* I have been back and forth with Uber all day yesterday. They finally agreed to refund the whole ride. They said this isn't normal or customary but neither was this ride. Thanks Uber for making this right. I mean I almost died!!!!!!

All I want to be is a Dad

All I want to be is a Dad. I want to be involved in my kid's lives. Harder for a divorced dad when kid's are in two different locations but still do-able. And I would do anything for them!! When I get last minute notice, I drop whatever I am doing to show my kids I am interested in them and love them (yes, I actually am). I shouldn't be excluded from piano recitals, concerts, get last minute notice on stuff, not be involved in decisions that effect the kids when they are in my home just because I don't live with them. I beg, I plead. I want to be involved. I have the right. I clearly can't be that horrible of a man.

So I wait till they need me..........and try to ignore they only want me when they need me.

To single dads out there my heart breaks for you. Especially if you give half a crap about your kids. My heart is broken.

Carry the Load 2016

I again going to be doing Carry the Load this year for Memorial Day. This is last years experience. This year I am not doing as many miles with as much weight but 30 pounds for 30 miles is still a shock to the body.  I am hoping my daughter K will be joining me as she has expressed interest in going this and Goruck events with me. I am sure she will do fine. She is pretty physically stubborn when she puts her mind to it.

This year I have thought and thought about who to walk for and I just keep coming back to Sgt. Enrique Mondragon that I walked for last year. I am friends with this wife and mother on Facebook though I do not personally know them. It is very touching to see their posts often about how they miss him throughout the year. He is obviously very loved and very deserving of having my ruck dedicated to him. 

So earlier this week I decided again that I will dedicate my Sunday afternoon, evening, Monday very early morning and Monday to Sergeant Enrique Mondragon. He should be remembered especially since he grew up right here in the area. 

Memorial bracelet I will be wearing!

Look for an AAR (after action review) after the event!

Dialogs with a Dad - Me, Scouting, Wood Badge and Being a Single Father

My friend Josh has a blog called Dialogs with a Dad. I really enjoy the podcasts. They are great to listen to on an hour commute one way. In this episode he interviews me and Scouting is a huge topic. I hope you enjoy. 

Reading This Blog

Thanks for reading this blog. I know that sounds lame from some dude on the internet but a lot of people have been reading my thoughts and ideas on LDS Scouting and Varsity Scouting recently (and compared to when I started) and I appreciate it.

I am grateful!!!

What is Goruck?

Goruck. What is it?:

Goruck is a military style event based off of military special forces training through rucking, moving with weight on your back (hiking). One of Goruck's tag lines is to "Build better Americans". This is through introducing you to working out in team-based training similar to those who attend Special Operations training in the Armed Forces. These events are social events and team building events. They are also leadership events. They force you to forget about yourself and worry more about your team.

There are 4 typical types of Goruck events:

• Goruck Light - 5-7 hours covering anywhere from 7-10 miles. Carry weight depending on body weight. For me (a big guy) I carry a base weight of 20#. Pass rate average is 100%.
• Goruck Tough - sometimes called Goruck Challenge is 10-12 hours covering 15-20 miles. Carry weight depends on body weight. For me (still a big guy) I carry a base weight of 30#. Average pass rate 94%.
• Goruck Heavy - 24+ hours covering 40+ miles. For me I would carry a base weight of 30#. Average pass rate 50%.
• Goruck Selection - many have tried and many have failed. Average pass rate is extremely low. Usually 1-3 people pass in a class of 30-40.

My 30# cast iron plate.

The base weight you carry is literally just that - brick wrapped in duct tape and bubble wrap to give you a base weight to start with. You can also use a cast iron plate or a sand-filler bag (I don't recommend the sand bag as most events end up in some form of water and this would create extra weight for you). It ensures that everyone is at a similar level. Bigger people carry bigger weight. Smaller people carry smaller weight (if you weigh under 150 pounds you only carry 10# during a Light and 20# during a Tough and a Heavy). 

Add water and other items on the packing list and you can easily have at least 30-40 pounds of gear. That doesn't sound like a lot, but I encourage you to try to ruck with 30 pounds. It might appear easy at first but it will start to wear on your feet. Try doing a push up with an extra 30-40 pounds on your back or a bear crawl or a duck walk or a belly crawl........you get the idea. It can be hard! It is hard.

Most of my gear for my September 11th Goruck Event.

Attention to detail is important during these events. Come with the items listed on the packing list and not much more. Pay close attention to instructions. Check your ego at the door. No joke. Trying to understand why you are doing something isn't important. Just doing it is more important. As you and your team (referred to as a Class) receive instruction from a Cadre (the trainer for the event who is either ex-Special Operations military or current Special Operations military). Pay attention to detail. Act with swiftness. These Cadre are no joke and they will prove it. They can appear mean with no sympathy, but every instruction comes with purpose. They are trying to teach you something. I have often asked, "What am I supposed to learn from this?" They are there to push you to your limit and then push you further. (I left my last event feeling like I wasn't extremely physically challenged UNTIL I woke up the next two mornings. I was sore all over.)

Sometimes you get to play in a pond with your heavy backpack on.

Goruckers (often referred to as Ruckers or GRTs after your first event, which stands for Goruck Trained) are a salty bunch at times. You may not approve of the language, but they have the softest hearts in the world and often would do anything to help you out during an event or in life. Being GRT makes you a part of a family.

During the event your team will carry flags and a team weight. You get a lot of funny looks when a group of GRTs are walking down the road with an American flag and heavy rucks. You usually get honks and glares (of the good variety). 

Your patch is just a piece of cloth you earn at the end of your event. For me though, it is a key to memories. While the event lasts just hours, I have put long hours of preparation into an event by working out, packing and repacking my backpack, and sometimes picturing the worst while hoping for the best. I am not in perfect shape. In fact, I am usually one of the bigger people there- but that doesn't stop me. It never will. Physicality is a huge part of passing any of these four events, but mental toughness is probably the biggest part of being endex'ed (passing the class and getting your patch!). There will be plenty of times during these events when you will ask, "What am I doing here and why am I doing this?" Push through it. Don't let your brain tell you what you can and can't do. There are plenty of things I thought I couldn't do, but with a little motivation and a little yelling, I was able.

I have attended 2 Lights (Class #675 and #945) and am scheduled to do a Tough in November 2015. November's event will be my first 12 hour event and, to be brutally honest, I am a bit intimidated. 

Why I Started Rucking and Attending Goruck Events:

My Goruck journey started about 3.5 years ago. I battled with my weight as a Scout leader. I had been overweight for about 20 years. Hiking with my Scouts was an extreme chore. For years my weight would yo-yo; I would lose 20-30 pounds and then put it right back on. To save my soul from dying while hiking, I looked into light- weight backpacking and came across Brian's Backpacking Blog. Seeing that Brian had done a Goruck event inspired me to want to do a Goruck event, but didn't provide the motivation to start losing the weight. Brian is a stellar athelete and a dang good hiker. It took me almost 3 years to get up the nerve to actually put foot to sidewalk to attempt a Goruck event. I had to get my mind right.

Goruck Light Class #675. The young lady to my right told me humbly she had the month before broken the US Female record for 100 miles race. She ran it in 14.5 hours -- that is a 14.5 minute miles average. She was physically challenged during this event.

So about 18 months ago, realizing my life was a mess because of my addiction to food, I started attending the LDS Church's Addiction Recovery class. I hoped to focus on what food really was after 2 failed marriages and a lifetime of not liking who I was. I started my journey at 367 pounds in August of 2014. As of September of this year, I am down to 295. I have not put any weight (other than 5 pounds back and forth) back on. I am most proud of the fact that my weight is not yo-yoing this time. Taking off weight can be easy at times, but keeping it off can be extremely hard. I actually started practicing portion control as well. At times I still eat stuff I should avoid, but I am not eating tons and tons and tons of it.

While working on the outside by attending the LDS Addiction Recovery class, I started working on the inside. I read The Continuous Atonement by Brad Wilcox. I have always had self esteem issues and this book convinced me that while I make mistakes in life, the Lord makes all the difference in my life. I knew that previously, but I had to put my beliefs into action. I am doing that with reasonable success.

Two of my closest friends are also my workout partners. I workout with one at 5 AM and the other at night. My get-healthy journey could not have happened without them. Exercise is more like therapy to me as we talk about life, discuss and solve the problems of the world, and sometimes just vent about life while walking, running or yes even doing yoga when the weather is bad--I can't believe I am admitting that.  Accountability partners have also been key to my success in losing and keeping off weight. My local friends have seen the challenges I have been asked to endure and surrounded me like family.

I have a lot to be grateful for. Setting my ship right, knowing where the Lord wants me and being there, losing weight and having friends and family that love me close, especially when I struggle. Other than winning the lottery and an eternal companion, I have everything I need in life. 

Duck walk......

This post was written for www.imafitmormon.com to introduce people to Goruck events.

High Highs and Low Lows

I haven't blogged a ton lately. Busy, kids, work transition, life transition, Church responsibilities and Wood Badge course.

The past month have been filled with some very highs and some very lows.

Wood Badge was a high. A HUGE high. I will blog about that this weekend. I will just say this -- I made more awesome friends and connected with existing friends more. Hardly any sleep but it was GREAT!!!

One of my co-worker's son was in a car accident where he left his vehicle and was disoriented enough after the accident that he jumped into a river. It has been 6 days. We haven't heard from him. I still hold out hope. I even spend a part of my day off yesterday looking for him with a coworker. The poison ivy, black berry thorns and cat's tails were crazy thick. It was some major bush-wacking. Leave No Trace didn't happen. I was blazing a trail like no other. This breaks my heart. No parent should ever have to worry about their child like this. Because of this, it has created an opportunity to serve. I told my coworkers I was going to do some freezer meals for the family and they handed over some cash. I was only going to do 2 but I think I have enough resources to make about 6. Maybe more. I am glad my coworker accepted help. She generally doesn't. I am glad my coworkers want to serve our friend.

I got to spend some time with my sister's family. Two 4 year old twins and a one year old. I wanted to lighten my sister's load while there. I think I did. My nephews are AWESOME! Smart and funny. Hilarious even. Every time I leave from visiting them I cry a little. Not sure why other than I am an emotional dude. I love my family a lot. A ton! I wish they lived closer. I wish I was less busy with life. Being called Uncle Chad is awesome!!

Recently I have transitioned to working back in the office. I have been put in charge of some employees. It has been interesting because I know all the employees but this is the first time they have worked with personally in years let alone let me manage them. Inter office personal relationships are interesting. Employees with rough edges have come to head quickly but I have decided just like I did at Wood Badge as a Troop Guide I am going to find ways to serve at work and make sure they know I love them. I think it is working. I have already been offered another promotion with more people work. Today I scored major points when both the front and the back of the office was short handed. I bounced between sides and made sure jobs that would not get done were done to make stress on others was lessened. Hopefully I am putting trust in our relationship bucket. Some day I might need to use that trust and love to help "correct" issues. Yesterday while searching for a coworkers friend I discovered why one of the challenging employees might be taking life's frustration out on others. I don't want to share it here but it is serious. Our personal lives do effect our work life. 


My sister and I were almost in a car accident. In fact, I should start in December. A close friend and I were coming home from visiting some of my family in the area and we witnessed a drunk drive CREAM another car. I jumped out with my first aid kit and Anna called 911. It was crazy insane. The drunk drive actually had hit someone else a mile up before creaming the other car. That didn't stop him. Jump forward to this past week and a honking horn saved us being t-bones. I jumped out again and my sister Christy called 911. Fast forward 25 minutes an the police showed up. Everyone was safe but we were literally inches from being involved in this accident. Everyone involved in the accident was fine. No air bags deployed which I found odd as they were going fast enough for airbags to deploy. My sister would have been hit right in her door. I am very grateful to not have been involved in that accident and also grateful to be able to help in some very small, small way.

I am working out more. I hate it. I love it. Some day I will be skinny.

Relationships are hard. I suck at them. 

12+ Hours of Mental Toughness

Friday night at 9 PM I know where I will be...... And I know where I will be all night. It won't be in my bed.

It will be a long, sleepless night and morning with heavy weight on my back and about 20 of my newest friends to celebrate Veteran's Day in a very special way--by being tortured physically. I regretted signing up for this event as soon as I paid half price for it. I will not be in my comfort zone.

Unlike my last event though, I am less scared even though I know I am going to get physically smoked more than ever I ever have before.* I am a smarter packer, a better foot taper (to alleviate blisters) and more strong willed. The Cadre will not get me quit. I will not quit on myself or my team.
 
I won't be the fastest. I won't be the slowest.
I won't be the strongest. I won't be the weakest.
I won't ever give up on myself or my team.
This isn't about me.
Grateful for those who served and grateful for those who I personally know that served me.

So here is to hoping it is only a 12 hour event instead of 15 but either way I am smashing it even if I have to crawl to complete it.

*I am pretty sure it will be worse than Carry the Load but ready to embrace the suck.

Unknown Forgiveness

Sometimes you just don't think you can forgive others because they wronged you. You know without a doubt that you were purposely wronged.

Other times you don't know you need to seek forgiveness because you have unwittingly made mistakes. Maybe because you just were not aware.

Sometimes you want to be forgiven because you know you screwed up big. Whether purposely or through an oversight, you see you made a mistake.

This week has led to some interesting feelings in my life. Feelings that occur even though I was the one that was purposely hurt. I want things to be right. Even though I know I have done nothing wrong, I know saying, "I am sorry" will go a long way. Forgiveness means being interested in people instead of  feelings.

I didn't know I had the capacity to forgive some but this week, with the help of two family members and my Savior, I have the desire to forgive others. Today I have unknown forgiveness.

Closed Chapter - Now Choose Your Own Adventure

Growing up as a kid, I hated reading. I hated it so much. Mostly because I wasn't good at it. I tried to rush through the things I was told to read and guess at what words might be. I will never forget when one of my grandparents found out I was having issues.  They sent me some old (and I mean OLD) Nancy Drew books. My Mom would sit and work quietly while I would read to her. She corrected me often because I just didn't care if I got it right. I am sure this time was about as much fun for her as it was for me.

A Nancy Drew book from 1930s which I remember reading.

Since then I have come to love reading - mostly historical books, with the occasional Harry Potter book or Ender's Game-type book woven in there. Church book reading has also become one of my favorites. I have to be in the mood to read. My ADD brain likes to bounce at times around and worry or think about things other than what I am reading. I have read a page without realizing what I have read and then been forced to reread. Sometimes I put a book down and don't pick it up again for a  while. Or maybe never pick it up again because there are better, more interesting things to read.

One of my favorite types of books growing up were from the Choose Your Own Adventure series. You would read and be asked to make one of two decisions and follow the story line by moving through different parts of the book. You could read many different story-lines with one book.

This was one of my favorites!!

Life is very similar to a Choose Your Own Adventure book. Last week I closed a chapter I know I will never have to open again, gratefully. While there was some good, there was a lot of "un-needed adventure" and "poor writing". I learned a lot and grew a ton even though it was painful.

I am grateful to put this book on the shelf and never have to read it again.

I am ready for the next exciting book to read.

ALFHE