My Scouting Legacy...........

I started this post a bunch of times.  Like a million times!!  I know what I want to say.....I think........I think but I don't know how to put it into a post.

My biggest concern as a leader is someone coming to me later and saying "You should have done this to help me" or "You had no clue what you were doing and that hindered me".  I can see clearly that two leaders who served before I did who lost two boys records and they did not achieve Eagle because of it.  I hold myself to a much higher standard than I do anyone else.  I mean really high almost to a fault.  I wish I were perfect.

So, what has been my Scouting legacy?

I am fully trained.  I look for further opportunities to be trained.  It is only through training that I reach my full potential.

I am training my boys to lead.  It is hard at time when they don't show up but I am sure trying to turn the program over to them.

I am leaving a legacy.

Liar, liar pants on fire - Rebellious Kids and Scouts

I used to look at parents with rebellious kids and say "Man, they must be horrible parents to have kids like that."  I used to wonder why they would not punish them more or do something to make their kid change. Luckily I have changed my view especially as I have children and served in Scouting positions.

Rebellious kids are normal ever day kids testing boundaries.  They especially love it when they get a reaction from us as adults--I am often guilty of giving the reaction that they want but am getting MUCH better.  Unfortunately it doesn't take much to shock me anymore but it doesn't take a lot to disappoint me.  One of the most common things I see as a parent and Scout leader is teenagers that lie for no good reason and to be very honest I think lying has become an epidemic in the teenage culture.  I think that this could be due to the unrealistic nature of the internet and text messages of appearing to be anonymous.  Plus I do think that some parents shield, protect and down play the seriousness of this behavior.

This article on Empowering Parents is really good on the reason why teenagers lie.  I went down to the comments section and my heart absolutely broke for some of these parents and what they are going through with their kids.  It is interesting to note that this article says it is more important to focus on the act of lying as compared to the morality of lying and have another great article here on problem solving.  There is also an article about how to motivate your child to do better in school.

Idiot Scout leaders are really just idiot wanna-be-men

I am sure you know which ones I am talking about.  Read here if you don't.  

I don't mean to sound judgmental (or maybe I do), but these guys are idiots.  I seriously can't believe these leaders were cheering and happy about what they were doing.  What a horrible example these wanna-be-men-leaders are for their Scouts!  What a joke!  Ban these men from Scouting for life!  I don't want to be associated with them EVER!  The icing on the cake is posting this video on Youtube.  

Brainwashed

Amen brother!  Preach!!

May we all brainwash our kids!!

What is Character??

I love the website Art of Manliness!!!!  (Check out their posts on the best sandwiches!  Weird but so AWESOME!!)

This is a great post on what character is why the heck it is so dang important!!!!!!

You don't intimidate MY boss

This week has been a week of advancement nightmare.  I am embarrassed because this one is from my own unit.

A young man is on his second try on his Eagle Scout project.  First project was denied for lack of visible leadership in the project.  He didn't like that.

Second project:  When calling my boss to set up his appointment he called her by her first name and then told her one of his unit leaders said he could do that.  No, no, no, no, no, no, NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Not in the South buddy!!!

Second project wasn't denied as he only brought the signature page of the Eagle Project paperwork to my boss to sign.  She told him she wouldn't sign it until she was able to look at his proposal.  He flipped and began to try to intimidate and manipulate her into signing the paperwork.  What he doesn't realize is my boss has a backbone.  And again (like my previous situation) the kicker, Mom started making excuses for the boy.  And I know personally that this boy's mentor (ex-SM) is doing a lot of the work for him.

My boss was upset that this boy showed no Scout Spirit in this process.  He wasn't very "helpful, friendly, courteous or kind".  I know we shouldn't expect these boys to be perfect and I don't think she does either but you don't flip out and you sure as heck doesn't try to manipulate someone to get what you want.  Not cool.

This is not a God-complex but you can get more things done with sugar than you can with vinegar (a lesson I must relearn at times - my mouth gets me in trouble).  A boys attitude will determine a lot.  I have plenty of boys who I know didn't read the paperwork come to me with pretty easy mistakes.

I don't think he realizes that my boss will be doing his Eagle Board of Review and this will probably (OK, it will definitely) come up at his Eagle Board of Review when it comes time to discuss his Scout Spirit.  You can be failed on Scout Spirit alone.

He text me after meeting with my boss asking if there was someone else who could sign off on his project.  I told him no.  (I don't sign off on my unit's Eagle Projects.  I am too close and sometimes people don't listen because they know me [i.e. this boy's first Eagle Scout Project]).

Boys who sign the following paragraph should know better.  This paragraph is a great way to hold these boys accountable for their actions or lack of them.

On my honor as a Scout, I have read this entire workbook, including the "Message to Scouts and Parents or Guardians" on page 4-4. I promise to be the leader of this project, and to do my best to carry it out for the maximum benefit to the religious institution, school, or community I have chosen as beneficiary. - Page 2-4 of Eagle Scout Service Project Workbook

I know I shouldn't take these things personally or as a reflection on myself but I do.  I have tried to help but my concerns have been ignored.   This kid is a good kid even though at times he doesn't act like it.  What teenager acts good all the time?  I have tried to mentor but................

He is meeting with her again tonight and hopefully (PLEASE!!!) he took last night as an opportunity to learn.

Mormon Tiger Mom

I coined a phrase yesterday.  Mormon Tiger Mom.  We all know these types of parents but yesterday a set of parents took it to a new level I have NEVER seen before.

I set up 5 Eagle Board of Reviews for one unit.  I set three for one day and two for another a week apart.  I set them out about 3 weeks due to Mother's Day and the fact that they all need a little more time to get me their reference letters.  I was then asked by the Advancement Chair if the boys would then be allowed to have their Eagle Court of Honor the week after the last Board.  I told her no.  No way.  It takes National 4-6 weeks (worse case) to process the applications and no Eagle Court of Honor should be set up until you receive word from National that the applications have been processed and approved.  The Advancement Chair then tells me that one of the Moms has already set up the Court of Honor for the 5 boys for one week after her own son's Board of Review.

Once this information is relayed to the parents, they flip.  And I mean they literally flip out.  They call our District Executive (who is new and doesn't know a whole lot about the process because he doesn't play a role in the process).  The conversation with the DE sort of leaves the impression with the parents that I am personally running behind (this comes into play later) and I must be overwhelmed and have too many Board of Review to do.  They also get the impression that it only takes two weeks to process applications by National.

I called my boss, the Advancement Chair and gave her the scoop.  She called Mom.  In the mean time.....

Mom asks the Scout's Father (husband) to call me and offer to help me do Boards so I can speed up the Board of Review time.  He calls me and it basically goes over like a lead balloon.  He tells me that he understands I am behind.  I ask him what gives him that impression.  He tells me that I scheduled his son's Board out 2 - 3 weeks and they already scheduled the Court of Honor one week after that.  I told him that you should NEVER schedule the Court of Honor before the Board of Review (I didn't want to bring up the fact that their son might not pass - I felt like they might get the impression that I was going to be bias which I am not.)  I told him that his son still doesn't have all his reference letters and I can't perform his Board without them and I scheduled it out to give him time to make sure people get me their letters.

I told Dad that even if I had all the reference letters and did his Board tonight there was no way he would be approved by the pre-set date.  National's Eagle software was being updated this week and no Eagle Rank Applications were being processed so there is probably going to be a small back log.  After explaining the whole process all I hear is "Oh..................."  So by the end of my conversation he was thanking me for all the hard work I do and the time I put into Scouting and my dedicated work ethic.

The conversation of my boss had with Mom went over about the same as Dad.

But here is the Mormon Tiger Mom kicker.  After the conversation with my boss and Mom and my conversation with Dad, Mom asked the Advancement Chair to call us both and ask us to speed up the process due to the fact that 2 of the 5 boys would be leaving for missions or college and thus allowing her son to have their Eagle Court of Honor again on the predetermined date.  Her last text message to the Advancement Chair was "We need to have this Eagle Court of Honor on X date and we have to do whatever it takes to get it done by then."

I told the Advancement Chair to stop communicating with her and if there are any other questions to please forward them to me or my boss.  If they try to break the rules, tell them I won't allow it.  Tell them to personally call me.

When are parents going to learn that using short cuts in this process will only lessen the Eagle for their son?  I can only imagine if this is the way the parents are about Eagle, what other corners have they cut?  Personally I don't want to do this boy's Eagle Board of Review but I will do it and I will do it with professionalism.  I don't get paid for doing this but at times a paycheck might lessen the fact that sometimes you have to deal with this kind of silly and unnecessary situation.

If Scout and parents had planned better by learning the process ahead of time, this wouldn't even be an issue.

Excerpt from a Talk

Brothers and Sisters, it appears in this life that happiness is something that might be fleeting or unobtainable but it is not.  The Lord wants us happy just like a parent wants their child to be happy.  The world tells us that women must have a “perfect” body, that they must have a perfect looking home and young women must be promiscuous to be liked.  The world tells men that we are overbearing and keep women in shackles in our homes and that we are worthless unless we provide every perceived need for our families instead of instilling the ability to teach children to work.  Young men are taught the most important think is the next video game and playing them overrides every responsibility that they have wasting hours and hours of time.  Young men are also taught by the world that using young women like dirty rags to be thrown away when they are done with them is OK.  We as members of the members of the Church often have “perfection guilt” and unless we are perfect here and now we are not good people so what is the point of even trying.  All of these are lies to make us unhappy.

These things are not so.  Women are beautiful because they don’t look like the unrealistic women on TV and in magazines.  Husbands should remind their wives of this until they actually believe it and most importantly wives you need to start believing your husband when he tells you these things!  Young women, you are beautiful too even if some boy has no clue how to interact with you socially.  Don’t surround yourself with boys that don’t treat you like the princesses you are.  Men should continue to treat their wives like an equal and no matter how many male “roll-models” on TV act stupid and realize that we are smart and we can take care of our families.  Men should work hard and teach their families to work hard.  They should be respected for the Priesthood they hold especially if they are raising their family to the Lord.  Young men should invest their time in something worthwhile and long lasting or significant other than how many zombies they killed with which weapon in which game.  For the youth, Eagle Scout, Duty to God certificate and the Young Women medallion could be some of these worthwhile ventures.  All of these good and worthy things should lead us to happiness.

It is important to strive to be perfect but realize that this is a long term goal with daily short term steps.  Some days it is important to realize that just getting through the day with a happy continence is a success.  Sometimes it is just OK to throw the well made plans out the window and make sure your family’s needs are being taken care of no matter how messy the process may get.  For example, it is might be OK that your kids have a sandwich for dinner to ensure Mom and Dad don’t go nuclear because of the day’s stresses.  It is better for kids to see a sandwich on their plate than Mom and Dad frustrated because their 8 course meal isn’t perfect.  A sandwich sustains life just as well as an 8 course meal.

Mormon Mentality - Don't do a good job because you are a volunteer.

I found this in a Mormon blog I follow on occasion and this story fits most Mormon Scouters to a "t".

Being the forgiving/forgetful type, it didn’t take long for me to let go of the trauma of my winter adventure. That lasted until I went to the official summer girls’ camp later that year and talked to the other leaders. Someone mentioned how they didn’t go on the winter time camp training and how they thought it was silly, anyway. What would camping in the winter do to prepare you for tornados, mosquitoes and heat rash in the summer? I protested, “But it was MANDATORY training! You had to go or you wouldn’t be allowed to attend the summer session!” One woman (who later became my dearest friend and Life Mentor because of her reply) scoffed, “Yeah. Like what are they gonna do, fire me? We are v-o-l-u-n-t-e-r-s. They are just grateful I agreed to do this at all.”

This mentality will forever be our downfall.  Either do a good job or don't do the job (and don't accept the calling). Your selective decision to do some things and not do others shows that your heart, might, mind and strength is not truly doing what the Lord asks of us.  Doing a half-job will get us no reward.

Being a volunteer doesn't remove our obligation to do the best we can even if we can't be fired.

Too much is too much

When a parent or a guardian's push towards Eagle is too much, it soon becomes apparent to me some focus too much on the silly award - instead of focusing on the trip to Eagle, they focus only on the end of the trip.  Eagle or bust!  Soon the boy has checked out and isn't doing anything to earn the award and actually working against the efforts of parents.

Of course we know that Eagle is important and it would benefit every boy that earns it.

So what do you tell an over bearing parent or guardian whose sun sets on the fact that their kid WILL earn Eagle?  After going round and round with a parent I said this (below) and gave them a copy of Mike Rowe's Letter to a Life Scout.

"Remember the choice is ultimately his and he will be the one to live with the fact that he earned Eagle or he didn't.  This will be the ultimate lesson in accountability."

Lawsuit Speaks the Truth

"The transient nature of these adult leaders, who in this instance, were called by ministers in their local LDS church to act as Scout leaders — sometimes only for a very short time — assured that there would be little continuity or consistency in the hazardous weather training they received," the suit argues.

Full lightening article here which includes quote above.
Full drowning article here. (Some in the comments section have stated that because this boy in this article was 17, he was an adult and should have know better.  I find that highly offensive.  The adult should have known better.)

I feel bad for all of these parents.  I actually feel bad for the leaders too.  They have to live with this on their conscience for the rest of their life.  No matter, the Church still has a transient nature for leaders hence the lack of training.  Training will not remove all fatalities but it will limit them.  I have heard it a million times before:

• I won't be here long so I don't need to get training.
• How hard it is to teach a merit badge each week?
• Roundtable is just another meeting to go too.
• I will learn on the job.  No need to get trained.
• We will call this a Priesthood gathering hence I don't need to use Scouting standards.
• I was a scout as a kid, so I know what I'm doing. I don't need to get trained. (via Eric the Half-Bee)
• I've been set apart; the Spirit will tell me everything I need, so I don't need training.  (via Eric the Half-Bee)
• The Church is dropping Scouting in the near future anyway, so I don't need training.  (via Eric the Half-Bee) 

I refrain from most of my thoughts on the comment but I will say this - parents bear ultimately are responsible for their children which includes but isn't limited to going on all outings with their sons.  They should know the who, where, what and when of who their son's leaders are.  I am pro non-LDS troops especially if the LDS Troop has untrained leaders with a Bishopric that doesn't insist on require being trained.  I am very transparent with my parents as to my training so they know what I have done.  I wonder what kind of role the parents played in this troop.  Seriously, if they used the Troop as a "drop off and keep rolling" daycare for their kids I feel bad but they do hold some form of responsibility.

I don't mean to sound harsh towards these boys parents.  No matter what the circumstances, they don't deserve a dead son.  I hope soon parents and Scout leaders will come together so that they can work TOGETHER to give their son the best Scouting experience in the world which includes many great and wonderful trained leader.

I have started battling the "training issue" with this scripture:

Wherefore, now let every man learn his duty, and to act in the office in which he is appointed, in all diligence. DC:107:99

You can't learn your duty and act in your Scouting office in diligence if you are not trained PLAIN AND SIMPLE!

And because I was a criminal justice major, I would love to know how long each leader had been a leader and what their training was[n't].

You are a true Boy Scout

A member of my congregation called me stating that her car wouldn't start and wondered if I could come over to help jump her car.  I work from home and I home school one of my kids (this will probably only last this year only).  This family and mine share a ton of similarities including blending.  I HT them for a long time and was a mediocre HTer.

I went over, pushed her car out of her garage to line it up with my car and jumped her car.  Her kids had been in the car waiting to go get hair cuts and were all sweaty.  I got her up and running quickly and told her if she had problems until her husband came home to give me a call.

Later that day she placed this comment on my Facebook page:  "You are true Boy Scout sir!"

Are we as adult leaders just leaders or are we also Boy Scouts?

Scouting is so important that the very best man in an LDS ward should be the Scoutmaster. - Bishop Bradley Harris  

"Third, I encourage local priesthood leaders to call to service as Aaronic Priesthood advisers men [President Monson includes Scoutmasters in here in this article] who are models for the young men to follow. A returned missionary, fresh from the mission field, blossoming with testimony, is often such a model. A young Aaronic Priesthood holder can say, “That’s the type of man I want to follow.”...............We are setting an example, through that Aaronic Priesthood adviser. Let us make certain he is a role model worthy of emulation." - Seven Steps to Success with Aaronic Priesthood Youth, Ensign Feb. 1985 

How I feel sometimes........

Compitition

Scout Camp vs. Asthma Camp.........  Pretty simple decision if it were my kid.

High Adventure vs. Band Camp........  Another pretty simple decision for me.

Scouting is very important in my eyes and especially getting into the outdoors.  The outdoors puts the sparkle into the Scouting program.  It is a classroom without walls and is a laboratory for fun Scouting experiences.  The outdoors strips away the cell phones, the TVs, the game consoles and other distractions this busy world uses to get the attention of the boy.  An outdoor experience stimulates good citizenship through teamwork and opportunities for leadership.  It emphasizes spirituality by bringing young people closer to nature. It connects individuals to the land, helping them develop a bond of respect for, and stewardship of, wild places and wild things.

June 2012 Ensign Page 46

If Mormon's don't get Scouting, it isn't because the Church isn't trying to help them get it.  Here are some great quotes from the article by David L. Beck.

Scouting is one way to help prepare our young men to do hard things, such as serve as faithful full-time missionaries.

..........................................................

Scouting's outdoor program is part of its message of self-reliance but it's more than that.  It's a relationship-building program in which young men work with each other and with their advisers, doing things that stretch them physically and emotionally.  It puts them in contact with nature, freeing them from the distractions of a world that is growing increasingly noisy.  And it allows them an opportunity to commune with the Spirit and to reflect upon their lives and their relationship, including their relationship with Deity.   

............................................................

 “If any man among you be strong in the Spirit,” the Lord tells us, “let him take with him him that is weak, that he may be edified in all meekness, that he may become strong also” (D&C 84:106).  If there ever were a time when our young men needed to associate with adult advisers who are strong in the Spirit, that time is now. As leaders of young men, we have the blessing of working with them during the time that they transition from childhood to adulthood. It is a time fraught with temptations and challenges. What a great privilege and an awesome responsibility we have.  Young men need to be guided, motivated, and strengthened by those who are strong in the Spirit. They need to discover through spiritual experiences the intrinsic motivation of being a disciple of Christ—to taste for themselves the fruits of the gospel and of the Spirit.  Young men need to know that their leaders are men of God who can be trusted, who truly care about them, and who take seriously their Scout callings. Trusted leaders can become a powerful resource to help and bless young men.  To “edify in meekness” means to build up in meekness. A meek man edifies young men with patience, gentleness, and an absolute commitment to do God’s will. Confidence and trust are built in young men when they feel that their leaders have the Spirit of the Lord with them.

Bishops

In many recent training meetings (Varsity Leaders Specific Training and multiple Varsity Huddles) I have heard "complaints" from Coaches and Assistant Coaches that Bishops are essentially binding the hands of Scout leaders in things like:

• Fundraising
• High Adventure
• Where and when they go to Scout Camp
• "Overriding" their authority when it comes to who earns what and when.

So I asked a "retired" Bishop who is (in my opinion) a younger Bishop when he served (he is about my age).  He was just released as Bishop in another part of the country and is currently serving as my Young Men's President.  I asked him the following questions and his responses are in blue.

• What can a Bishop do to ensure the Scouting Program(s) in his Ward are quality programs?  Promote leaders getting trained.  Leaving leaders in their callings for many years if possible.
• What does a Bishop look for in a good Scouting leader?  You want your strongest men working in scouts and Young Men's.  Returned missionaries, strong testimonies, men who are solid in the faith and good examples.  You want guys who mesh well and connect with the boys.  
• What should a Bishop never do in relation to Scouting in his ward?  Minimize the importance of scouts through word or action.  Sometimes bishops don't catch the vision of scouting and they just try to call someone so that they can say the position is filled.
• What should a Bishop always do in relation to Scouting in his ward?  Provide the support needed.  Allow latitude to run the program to suit the boys rather than strictly by the letter of the rules.
• If a Scout leader ever felt like a Bishop was doing something to hinder Scouting, what should the Scout leader do?  First talk to the bishop and express concerns.  Just because the scout leader thought the bishop was hindering the program it's usually because the scout leader does not have as much understanding in relation to the bishop's perspective.   There are usually reasons why the bishop is doing what he is doing.  I always welcomed a difference of opinion.  If any leader came to me with concerns and wanted to do something different than what I had expressed or encouraged we were always able to talk if out to the satisfaction of all parties.  Usually once a bishop explains his reasons or thought process it allows the other leaders to understand the position regardless whether they agreed or not.  In the end it is the bishop who has to answer for what is done or not in the ward. 
• What, as a Bishop, do you wish every Scout leader would know?  If we always do everything through the perspective that we are all children of a loving Heavenly Father and the ultimate goal is to help His children return to him after this life.  This helps to not get so caught up in the minutiae of the steps and processes but helping that boy gain the skills and traits needed to be successful in life and in their family.
• How would a Bishop encourage Scout leaders to get their training?  Talk it up, talk it up, talk it up.  Kind of like in the corporate world, your boss helps you set objectives each year.  A bishop could help the leaders set the dates as to when training will take place.  That what gets measured gets done!  

Never give up! - Kyle Maynard

Talk about never having room to complain about anything EVER again.  That is one tough mudder!!

Clipped from the video's comments:

The next time I think:

• I've had a bad day, month or year,

• I'm ready to quit because I've failed 35 times already,

• I say "this is just too hard" "I'm not smart enough",

• Something takes too long and that little voice inside says “forget about it”,

• I hear myself say I just don’t have what it takes,

• I feel lazy,

• I am about to settle for ‘good enough’, I'll remember this video.

And when a friend's ready to pack it in, I'll sit down with him and we'll watch this video.

Issues

Someone close to me sent me this email.  Just an FYI, the ward is so small they only run a Troop.  Son X is the son of Sister X or Mom X.

I had a long conversation with the bishop last night after our troop meeting.  Things are a little worse than I thought.  Sister X and her son Son X were released last night.  This is what I have been waiting for for 4 months. But after speaking with the bishop, I went home upset and frustrated.  Let me explain.

For the last few years, Sister X has been 11-Year-Old Scout Leader, but at some point I think there weren't any 11 year olds, and she was asked to help with the older boys.  I'm pretty sure this is what the bishop wanted her to do.  However, she started running troop meetings, and never went back to working with the new 11 year olds.  When my wife was called as Primary President, Sister X basically said to her, "Yes, I'm the 11-year-old Scout Leader, but I don't work with the 11 year olds."

She has also been the Troop Committee Chair.  There hasn't been a functioning committee, but we are all on the books.  I would call her "executive scoutmaster" if I had to describe the job she had.  I do not take anything away from her accomplishment with the boys, but it is not the authorized program of the church or BSA.

Her son, Son X, has been the Scoutmaster. He is inactive, but was nominally given the calling of Teachers Quorum assistant adviser.  Apparently the bishopric and parents are very happy with what he has done.  I have a feeling he and Sister X made rank advancements and merit badges too easy to obtain, but that is in the past and I am not going to say anything or concern ourselves with that.  We just move forward from here.

Son X started dating a girl last summer, and in October they moved in together. She came to troop meetings (with her dog) and Son X made a comment in front of the boys that they had moved in.  He got really distracted and missed several troop meetings.  They got married a few weeks ago.  Because of the holidays and the wedding, the X Family did not attend troop meetings in December or January.

About the same time (October to December) our YM president went MIA. The bishop released him and called me mid-December. In all of this mess, enter me and my new presidency.  Here's my problem:

From my perspective, I and my presidency are taking Scouting seriously and running a good program (and one that is in sync with the church & BSA handbooks and training). We don’t know everything, but we are doing our best.  From the bishop's perspective, I took over too soon from the X Family, and he is very happy with the job they have done. The bishop is the one that set up the following system with the previous YM and Scouting Leaders:

YM President = Spiritual & Church Program

Sister X and Son X = Scouting Program

Which of course is not how it is meant to work... at all.  There is nothing in any handbook or training that at all suggests that the YM Presidency is divorced from Scouting, and yet the bishop called a YM President (and gave him no presidency for about a year) and asked someone else to run Scouting.

When I was called I jumped in to my new calling and followed what I read in the Church & Scouting handbooks.  I've relied on the advice from the Stake YM presidency, from you, and from a man in our ward who has done Scouting for 30 years.  When the bishop called me, I specifically asked if the X Family would be released, and the answer was yes.  So I have been waiting for them to be released, and have not been able to assign my very capable 2nd Counselor as Scoutmaster.

I've run our troop meetings, organized a troop notebook with training materials, initiated the recharter process, arranged for Scoutmaster Conferences and boards of review, and planned a high adventure activity.

According to the bishop last night, I did not give him enough time to speak to the X Family and allow for a "smooth transition." His timetable is different from mine.

Anyway, the X Family were finally released last night, and that is a good thing. The Scouts can have a normal, healthy, and authorized program with 4 worthy men (my presidency) who are their Spiritual leaders and Scouting leaders.  I just wish the bishop could be as thrilled with that as I am.  There is a lot of work to do, but the bishop and I are not seeing eye-to-eye.

Thanks.

My reply:

OK BIL.  I can see EXACTLY why you are so frustrated.  I see a few fundamental issues here with the way your Bishop is running the Scouting program.  In the end though, he is the one accountable for all the issues or the success of the program.

First things first, the 11 Year Old Scout leader is actually an Assistant Scoutmaster.  And as you know the Church doesn’t have female Scoutmasters or female Assistant Scoutmasters (though in the BSA they do happen).  This clear violation of the Church’s policy goes to show that your Bishop doesn’t have a clue how the Scouting program works even though he is in charge of it.  I know that isn’t helpful but it is pretty clear from looking at it.  In fact, as you know you don’t even hold any keys.  YMP don’t get to pick their counselors but get to give feedback on whom the Bishopric has chosen. So the accountability issue is all his.  If you succeed, it is because of you.  If you fail, it is because of him.  Taking over for the X Family “too early” seems to me that your Bishop doesn’t understand the importance of having a fully functioning program at all times.

You are rebuilding a program.  I inherited a dodgeball program from Brother M (I was called un-fun for years and that really upset me) and half the boys in our unit don’t even know how to use matches and that should have been taught by our Scoutmaster, Brother B.  I am not pointing fingers.  It is what it is.  You give the boys the benefit of the doubt if you don’t think they have accomplished requirements to earn rank and merit badges.  “The tie goes to the boy.”  Don’t give up.  Vent as much as you need especially to me.  I see some very close similarities in our programs.

Second, the Young Men’s Presidency and the Scouting leaders in most cases are supposed to be the same people.  I know the green LDS handbook says that on page 3.

Aaronic Priesthood Quorum Advisers - (Ward Young Men Presidency)

Generally, Aaronic Priesthood quorum advisers serve as the adult leaders to the Scouting units in the ward. Both the adviser and the assistant adviser(s) attend all meetings of the quorum and the Scouting unit and must be registered with the Boy Scouts of America.

Third, if your Bishop didn’t want you to take over from the X Family he shouldn’t have called you.  Does he expect you to shirk your responsibility?  Even if my Bishop told me to, I wouldn’t have listened to him.  It is easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.  At the end of the day, your conscious should be clean.  You are doing everything you can!

You and SIL are in a loose-loose situation in my opinion.  You can either fight like heck to break “the traditions of your fathers” that were established by the X Family or you can give in.  Don’t give in!  The first 2 years of my calling were an absolute headache.  I wanted to quit.  I wanted to be released.  I wanted to stop going on Wednesday.  And why was Sister X running Troop meetings?  If she at least sort of understood the Scouting program, she would have realized that the boys are supposed to lead the meetings, teach the skills and close the meetings.  Everything is supposed to be done by the boys (it is mission preparation!). 

I might suggest again you calling your Stake Young Men’s President and explaining the issue(s) again and asking for his advice again.  He is in charge of your training on the Church side.  If you need help on the Scouting side, go to your District for help.  Please call him.  If nothing else, maybe he can put a bug in the Stake Presidency’s ear about helping to train your Bishop in how Scouting should work.  In fact our Bishopric just received 2 hours of training on a Sunday from the Stake Presidency on how Scouting is supposed to work.  Most Bishops have no clue how to run a Scouting program.  Think of what a great Bishop you will be!!

Can you send me your mailing address?  I am going to order you a book called “Trails to Testimony” by Brad Harris.  Please read this as soon as you get it.  It breaks down Scouting in one column of the page and on the other side of the page breaks down how it relates to the Church on the other.  Brad Harris was the Barney’s old Bishop and mine when I moved to Little Elm.  He teaches Scouting at BYU.

If the Bishop’s time table was different than yours he clearly should have left things the way they were and not called you.

Remember in the end your success in the Church and in the Scouting program will be judged on giving the program back to the boys.  What I mean is that you need to train them to:

·        Run their own Scout meetings including learning how to take a skill they know and teach it to each other.

·        Run their own campouts.

·        Let them pick their own activities.

·        Run their own Presidency Meeting(s).

Boy lead is your goal.  It will never be perfect.  They are teenage boys.  But you sure as heck can try.  Lay their program(s) at their feet and enable, advocate and mentor these boys.  A boy lead program leads to better Scouts, better missionaries, better HTers, better husband and better endowed members.  In the end, who cares what the Bishop thinks about you because I know you are doing things as close to the handbooks are you can and you are trying your heart out.  If you didn’t care, you wouldn’t have called and emailed me!  If you didn’t care, you wouldn’t have agreed to serve as YMP.  I wish you were back in LE because I would have gobbled you up into our program!  We need more men like you who are dedicated to not doing the status quo and magnifying their calling.  Pray that your Bishop’s heart will be softened. 

Again, call as much as you need.  Don’t feel like you are burdening me.

"Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never - -in nothing, great or small, large or petty -- never give in, except to convictions of honor and good sense. Never yield to force. Never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy." – Winston Churchill

Would you have any other advice for BIL?

Words are painful

My oldest daughter is soon to be 14.  She spends almost every minute living with my wife and I but a couple times a month, her bio dad comes and picks her up and spends 30 hours with her.  Unfortunately these days usually are on Sundays and so she only comes to Church every other week.  She is a sweet girl that is trying to find her place in this world.  I love her to death.  She has had some interesting and unique trials in her life.  She is little framed and skinny as a rail.  Early in school until a few years ago she attended speech therapy because she didn't pronounce her "R's and S's" properly.  People made fun of her.  She attended therapy for a while and has corrected the "problem".  She enjoyed it probably more because she got out of class a couple times a week.

Recently the Beehive's President (youth leader for girls age 12 to 13) told another girl at Church that my daughter had told her she had gone to a party, gotten drunk, passed out, had sex and was pregnant.  The Beehive's President also said that my daughter told her that it was OK to tell everyone this "story".  This rumor spread through our congregation and the Bishop pulled me aside and asked me about it.  He wasn't judging my wife and I but was offering help if we needed it.  I laughed out loud when he told me the rumor.  My daughter has regular teenager issues but nothing along those lines.  I know my daughter has made some royal mistakes though.  A few of them are trusting everyone she comes in contact with because they are her "friends", allowing others to influence her individual decisions and accountability, not heeding council from parents, etc.  I am not one of those parents that sticks their heads in the sands and thinks their kids can do no wrong.  I see all of their weaknesses and all of their strengths.  I try to see them as a mix of the two instead of just the weak side they have.  I discussed it with my wife that night and we discussed whether or not discuss this rumor with our daughter.  We decided we would after we calmed down.  We knew exactly where this rumor came from because this wasn't the first rumor started by my daughter's two-sided friend.

Soon we received a phone call from a friend in the ward sharing with us the same rumor.  She told us that one of her friends discussed this rumor with her and went to the Bishop because she didn't know how to discuss the rumors with us without being uncomfortable.  I shared with this friend that we are always open to discuss the issues our children have.  We realize our kids are on their best behavior when we are around and not so much when we are not.

We discussed the rumor with our daughter and he was visibly hurt.  She knew exactly where the rumor came from without use even sharing the source of the hurtful rumor.  Obviously it was not true.  The party that this happened at never happened.  She never went to a party.  We told her to stay away from this rumor spreading young lady as much as possible.  We told her to limit contact and no matter how this "friend" acts to her face, don't trust her, don't confide in her, etc.  We contemplated going to the Beehive President's parents because we have a decent relationship with them but decided against it because they have justified her actions before and made excuse after excuse for other rumors.  My daughter begged us not to go to them.  So we decided against it.  I am still wondering about this decision.

I have a hard time with rumors.  I also have personal experience due to my divorce.  In the end, words can hurt.  They can be used for good or evil.  I work very hard in my Scouting group to not only squash rumors but also the needling boys tend to do to each other.  Instead of building each other up, they purposely try to break each other down.  It is one thing to joke but it is a whole other when the joke is mean to backhandedly hurt even if the person doesn't understand its purpose.

How do you deal with rumors and unkind words in your Scouting units?

Time, patience and persistence.....when all else fails.

I was listening to Scoutmaster CG's pod cast #98 and Clarke brought up that the problems with youth leaders planning poorly or not planning at all are common (that for some reason surprised me!).  He recommended time, patience and persistence.  He also mentioned training has nothing to do with the development of skill.  Remind me next time you see my eyes spinning like a slot machine...........

My assistant Coach (he has been a huge God-send) and I had a discussion about this and have decided to take a strictly positive reactive approach to the boys so the boys will enjoy interacting with us because of our positive nature (Clarke actually mentioned this!).  Find the positive no matter how hard it is.  FIND IT!  This is something that is difficult for me as I find myself judging myself as I train new Coaches in the District because I don't run the "perfect" program.  In fact, I have at times called myself a hypocrite.  Harsh but I am my own worst enemy.  (When The Judgment comes, the Lord will have an easy time because I will have already judged myself roughly.)  I need to find the positive in myself too.