Anniversary

Happy Anniversary to my blog!

Who are you???

A few nights ago I participated in a Stake basketball tournament.  On the way out of the building I waved at one of the Bishops who apparently was working late.  He looked at me like he was trying to place me.  I have spent many hours with this Bishop and was kind of surprised by his puzzled look.  He said "I didn't recognize you out of your Scout uniform.  I never see you in anything but your uniform!"  I take that as a compliment.

Words are painful

My oldest daughter is soon to be 14.  She spends almost every minute living with my wife and I but a couple times a month, her bio dad comes and picks her up and spends 30 hours with her.  Unfortunately these days usually are on Sundays and so she only comes to Church every other week.  She is a sweet girl that is trying to find her place in this world.  I love her to death.  She has had some interesting and unique trials in her life.  She is little framed and skinny as a rail.  Early in school until a few years ago she attended speech therapy because she didn't pronounce her "R's and S's" properly.  People made fun of her.  She attended therapy for a while and has corrected the "problem".  She enjoyed it probably more because she got out of class a couple times a week.

Recently the Beehive's President (youth leader for girls age 12 to 13) told another girl at Church that my daughter had told her she had gone to a party, gotten drunk, passed out, had sex and was pregnant.  The Beehive's President also said that my daughter told her that it was OK to tell everyone this "story".  This rumor spread through our congregation and the Bishop pulled me aside and asked me about it.  He wasn't judging my wife and I but was offering help if we needed it.  I laughed out loud when he told me the rumor.  My daughter has regular teenager issues but nothing along those lines.  I know my daughter has made some royal mistakes though.  A few of them are trusting everyone she comes in contact with because they are her "friends", allowing others to influence her individual decisions and accountability, not heeding council from parents, etc.  I am not one of those parents that sticks their heads in the sands and thinks their kids can do no wrong.  I see all of their weaknesses and all of their strengths.  I try to see them as a mix of the two instead of just the weak side they have.  I discussed it with my wife that night and we discussed whether or not discuss this rumor with our daughter.  We decided we would after we calmed down.  We knew exactly where this rumor came from because this wasn't the first rumor started by my daughter's two-sided friend.

Soon we received a phone call from a friend in the ward sharing with us the same rumor.  She told us that one of her friends discussed this rumor with her and went to the Bishop because she didn't know how to discuss the rumors with us without being uncomfortable.  I shared with this friend that we are always open to discuss the issues our children have.  We realize our kids are on their best behavior when we are around and not so much when we are not.

We discussed the rumor with our daughter and he was visibly hurt.  She knew exactly where the rumor came from without use even sharing the source of the hurtful rumor.  Obviously it was not true.  The party that this happened at never happened.  She never went to a party.  We told her to stay away from this rumor spreading young lady as much as possible.  We told her to limit contact and no matter how this "friend" acts to her face, don't trust her, don't confide in her, etc.  We contemplated going to the Beehive President's parents because we have a decent relationship with them but decided against it because they have justified her actions before and made excuse after excuse for other rumors.  My daughter begged us not to go to them.  So we decided against it.  I am still wondering about this decision.

I have a hard time with rumors.  I also have personal experience due to my divorce.  In the end, words can hurt.  They can be used for good or evil.  I work very hard in my Scouting group to not only squash rumors but also the needling boys tend to do to each other.  Instead of building each other up, they purposely try to break each other down.  It is one thing to joke but it is a whole other when the joke is mean to backhandedly hurt even if the person doesn't understand its purpose.

How do you deal with rumors and unkind words in your Scouting units?

Site Traffic

I am still amazed by how much traffic comes to this website from Russia.  The website traffic comes from a website that doesn't exist.  Weird.

Only one parent?

Today I was listening to a sports show talk about their feelings on new players to the NFL that come from "broken" homes.  Broken homes being defined as no Dad in the home.  The three jocks talked about how some teams should not draft players into the NFL that don't have a strong family background (of a Mother and a Father).  They talked about Tim Tebow and compared him to a couple other quarterbacks in the NFL.  It seemed pretty harsh to eliminate a player because his Mom and Dad split especially when he had no control on his parent's relationship.  It, at least, was an interesting discussion. 

This topic is near and dear to my heart.  3 of my children only live with me 1st, 3rd and 5th weekend from Thursday evening until Monday when I drop them off at school.  My wife has 2 children that she brought into the family (one of which I am in the process of adopting).  So essentially my kids are all these "broken kids from broken homes".  It is already sad that both parents of my kids don't see eye to eye or are willing to provide information like times of concerts, etc.  Do we have to then brand them and treat them like they have done something wrong?

I can understand teams not wanting to invest millions of dollars into a player that might not make it on the field or have issues off the field that distract them from their profession.  I get it.  I don't necessarily agree though.  If we are looking for perfect professional sports players, we might as well shut down sports all together.  And no, professional players of all types are not role models. 

I wonder about about my Scouts.  Some have Moms and Dads, some just Moms and some just Dads.  Should I treat them as a liability to my Varsity Team just because they don't have the perfect family backgrounds?  NO!  Should I be helping their family life by helping to instill the values taught in the home?  YES!  Can I help make a difference?  I WOULDN'T BE IN SCOUTING IF I DIDN'T THINK I WAS! 

Look at the picture below.  It is my favorite by Norman. 

That Scoutmaster is AWESOME!  His boys are in bed and he is making sure they are OK.  He is tending the fire.  He is ready to defend them with the stick in his hand.  To me he looks like the kind of Scoutmaster that a boy would come to if they had a problem like a girlfriend broke up with him and he didn't want to talk to his parents.  He looks like the kind of man that is helping these boys become men, helping them fashion the kind of character that will help them make decisions in the future and like the kind of man who would do anything to help his Scouts.  (He is also a perfect example of uniforming.)  It doesn't matter a boys background.  It matters who is in his life and who is helping him.

A couple years ago a boy beat my son up a couple times in a year.  He picked on him non-stopped for 2 years.  My son is an oak tree.  He is huge for his age but a gentle giant (one of the reasons I love him so very much!).  He is almost as tall as me and is only 13.  He let this kid pick on him and beat him up partly because he didn't want to get in trouble at school (he loves school) and partly because he was scared of the kid.  I had had enough.  His mom (my ex) called the cops after the last fight.  I called the Principal and asked her to tell this kid's Mom that if she was interested in her son being in Boy Scouts, I would pay to register him and pay for his uniform.  My hope was to change this kid though Scouting because he had no father.  Was this kid a throw away?  No.  He deserves to be loved just like my son no matter if he has a Mom and a Dad, just a Mom or just a Dad.

Band Concert

A couple days ago I went to one of my son's band concerts.  Because he lives in a blended home and was with his other Mother, I did not get to see him before the performance.  He plays the bassoon.  I didn't get to participate in that decision and would have probably picked a different instrument for him.  But he enjoys it so I enjoy it.  At the concert, three other bands played before his.  As he entered the hall to play, the lights were shinning in his eyes and you could tell he was looking for my wife, his 2 sisters that live with us and I.  He was searching and searching.  Finally I yelled out "BD!" which is a nickname I gave him.  He saw us and was sort of relieved when he saw us.  After he performed, he looked up to where my family was standing (there were not enough seats for all the parents in the concert hall) and I gave him a big thumbs up.  His band played well and in fact played a song from a very old Disney cartoon that I loved as a kid ~ Peter and the Wolf.

I wonder if at times our Scouts are like my son with the stage lights shining in his eyes, not able to see us.  They want to know we are there.  They want our approval.  They want to know that we think they did a good job.  I am never afraid to tell my kids and my Scouts that I love them.  I am never afraid to tell them that I am proud of them.  All they want is to know we care.

Anniversary - 6 wonderful years!

Today I celebrate my 6th year anniversary.  My goal is to get my wife to a place near Johnson Space Center to get her a steak. 

My wife has been very understanding of the time I take away from my family to help young Scouters.  She listens to me rant, she listens to me complain.  Yet she still lets me do it.  Shell, I couldn't have asked for a better wife!!

Baseball

Our Rangers, who art in Texas, Winner be thy name. The Cards will come, they will be done as they are in Detroit and Tampa. Give us this week a World Series Title, and forgive us our Young trade rumors as we forgive those who doubted us without Lee. Lead us not into another early end but deliver us a ginger ale shower. For the Rangers are the Beltre, the Boomstick and Napoli ever after. In the name of the Washington, the Pudge and the Nolan Ryan punching Ventura in the face forever.

 

Church Softball League

About a year ago some great guys in my ward put together a softball team to play in a Monday night Church Softball League in our small town.  Most teams that play have been playing for years and so they know the umps and everyone knows everyone.  We were the outsiders.  The LDS Church members in my ward were not ready for the swearing and drinking associated with this "church" softball league and after one season disbanded.  One of my last memories of the season was of two members of the team getting into an argument - I was one of them.  Not my most shining moment.  The other gentleman kept yelling at my teammates and I felt inspired to ask this man to be quiet and leave everyone alone until he calmed down.  When we returned to the dugout, an atomic bomb went off and hurt feelings were everywhere.  All of us were yelled at and all of us were in the wrong.  He asked me to speak to him in private in the middle of the game and I told him I wanted to wait until I calmed down.  Anyway, it ended poorly.  It was the demise of our team.  It was unfortunate.  I had a ton of fun.   I shoulder a lot of the blame for the argument.  I played other sports with him before and knew I should not have played any role in stress of the situation getting worse.  I should have known better.

Some of the things that I have learned from this situation:

• Find out who think winning is the most important thing and don't play with them.
• Some things are better not said even if you are right.
• Forgiveness is necessary even if you feel like you have not done anything wrong.
• Making someone feel like they are successful at something they are not good at will go a long way.

One of my favorite LDS themed films is Church Ball (my favorite is The RM).  Please make sure you read Gary Coleman's quote on the movie ("Whatcu' talking about Willis?") from the link.  I find this movie regarding Church sports so funny because it is so true!  LDS Church basketball truly is the brawl that starts with a prayer.  I don't take my sports so serious.  It doesn't matter the sport.  I think loosing a close, good game is more fun than winning by a landslide.

My personal philosophy on sports is something my Dad used to tell me:  "You are a Fish-er, don't get used to winning."  Some would call this setting me up to loose but I would say that it was setting my expectations realistically.  I play hard.  I do the best I can.  I know I will not win every time I play.  I am no Michael Young.  I am OK with that.  I am more out there for the exercise and having fun even though I loose.  Sometimes beating the softball with a bat to get out life's frustration is worth it and feels sooooooooo good.  I play a pretty decent first base and can dig most throws out of the dirt.  My batting has suffered for some reason but I play the bottom of the order.  What else do you expect?

So a couple of softball seasons ago, I had a guy I really like at my part time job ask me if I have ever played softball.  I told him I had.  He asked when position I play.  I told him first base and he asked me to play on his friend's team he plays on.  We played last season with teams that were way better than us.  It was the summer and we had 70+ days of 100+ degrees.  Most usual teams didn't play that season because it was so hot.  We did poorly.  We left the field not only hot but also with a lot of losses under our belt. 

This fall season (fall is a generous term in Texas) I have played again with my team but the "usual" teams have returned and our talent is more similar.  We have had either some slug-fest with other teams or defensive slug-matches.  It has been a good season.  At least until last night.

Last night attitude reflected leadership.  Our team captain lost his cool time after time.  He was yelling and swearing.  So did some others.  Our game went from bad from worse, in my opinion, because of our attitudes.  I tried to talk the captain off the ledge.  So did some other players but they didn't do it so Scout-like.  I truly tried.  I learned my lesson just over a year ago.  The game ended shortly after one of the opposing players slid into 3rd base and into our Captain.  Our player lost his balance and it appeared to the other team that he tried to step on the other player though he had just tried to regain his balance.  There was yelling and screaming.  At the end of the game, I went over to the other team to mend some fences.  I even put my arm around the guy that slid into 3rd.  He did the same to me.  There were no hard feelings.  I explained the situation.  I don't think I fixed everything but some of them yelled their thanks to me as I was leaving.  I was punished for going over to the other team to smooth things out by not being the Captain for the second game of our double header.  I was told I would not be taking the ball and the line up out to the umpire.  (One small note on double headers as a fat guy of 35 years ~ I feel old after two games.  The morning after I sound like a bowl of Rice Krispies ~ snap, crackle and pop!  I smell like a whole tube of Ben Gay.)

This morning I was called by my friend that asked me to play on his friend's team.  He explained that he wanted to start a new team in the spring because it was time to start a team that didn't have a bad attitude and where a good game is a good game even if we loose.  He told me it was unfortunate that this might end his friendship with his buddy.  He asked me to play on his team.  I like both guys.  It is unfortunate that I have to choose between the two.  I know what I must do.  I will end up upsetting one of my softball buddies.  I appreciate that he sees my attitude as bringing something good to the team.  In the end though, attitude reflects leadership.

The situation reminds me of Wood Badge and the movie Remember the Titians.  If you have been to Wood Badge and they used that clip, you know what I am talking about.  We need to be forming instead of storming.  Purposeful storming is not OK.  

District Write-up

I have been asked to write up my profile to be added to the District webpage after only having served for 2 years.  I don't know what to say about myself.  Should I mention Eagle, Wood Badge, the bed dad ever?  Ugh.  I hate talking about myself.  Probably because I am my own worse critic.