Friends and Family in Weird Places

A few nights ago after death by ICD-10 seminar I spent a few hours with male friends drafting for this up coming NFL fantasy football season. This is the first time I have done a live draft though I have played fantasy football for years and I LOVE IT! They are all LDS though that hardly matters. All are good men and this year they expanded their draft to include me. I have played flag football with some of them (poorly--me not them), played countless hours of basketball (poorly--me not them), gone to Ranger games with them and ate the Choomungus together and regret it every minute since, spent hours in Church meetings with some of them, some have moved away and have come back in town short term to work, some moved just a town away, some have lived in the same place for years, one was a Bishop who counseled me through a divorce and others have shared some of the same kind of personal grief I have. Some are new friends. One of them I was even his 11 year old Scout leader for like 9 months. I bet he doesn't even remember that.

It was good to be around men who are funny, can cleanly joke, are inclusive of an old man like me (they are all considerably younger than me) and like the same things I do though I just may do them much slower than them.

I am not your typical guy. And definitely not your typical Mormon. I am pretty blunt, pretty bold and pretty honest especially when it comes to my own shortcomings. These men are the same.

I almost venture to say that my personal definition of what family is and who family is has changed. I have never lived very close to my blood family and while that has made me appreciate them that much more, ward family, Nauvoo family, neighborhood family, friends family have become part of who my family is.

I have a non-nuclear family myself so why shouldn't be non-blood family be any different?

Equally Yoked

In every relationship we have, we carry a yoke. It helps tie those we have a relationship with and us together. You have to work together or the relationship usually doesn't work. At times we motivate our friends and at times they motivate us. With the yoke, you can't successfully move in different directions. It becomes a standoff. 

At times in my life, I have felt like this friend or that friend isn't someone I want to be tied/yoked to. I feel like they are purposely slowing me down or just carrying the wrong attitude which causes issues. Sometimes I pull the yoke off and return to it later in life. Occasionally I pull that yoke off and I know I won't be putting it back on. Sometimes this is a painful decision and sometimes it is a relief. I know at times I have been extremely difficult to be yoked to whether in friendship or marriage. In fact, remembering back to who I have been over the past 40 years I am surprised I even had friends at times (especially in my first 30 years of life). Though that has lead me now, I think, to be a better friend and to be a more patient person especially when I look at my issues and the patience/grace that has been shown to me by others.

The LDS Church often uses this analogy to describe marriage. I don't know how I feel about being called an ox. :P  In all honesty though the thought of oxen pulling to get where they are going is pretty awesome. An ox is not a weak animal. In fact, oxen are bests of burden - they are work horses. 

The principal of being yoked together though is right on. Two people working together going in the same direction with the same purpose.

If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. #goruck

What LDS Boys think of girls

Patience and understand but values unchanging

One of my daughters from Trek posted this video of Elder Holland on her Facebook page today.  It touched me how he discussed how we must not be so judgmental  but how we must temporarily judge (he notes a difference between being judgemental and judging something) things to make sure we are spiritual, physically and emotionally OK and stay away from sin.  I paraphrase but he said "We should try to be our best to help other to be their best."  He encourages us to reach out to those who are not like us.

I think Scouting does most it can to be inclusive and help its leaders and Scouts to encourage all the diversity we can.  True there are some that say the BSA is not inclusive in its membership rules but that isn't the point of this post.

So I encourage you to be a friend of all no matter what they look like or what they believe even if their values are different than yours.  Politicians could learn a lot from this.

I talked with a member of my ward who shares the name of the police officer Elder Holland mentioned in his talk.  The attitude of the police officer is so similar to the guy in my ward.  Come to find out they are brothers.  Both are AWESOME men.  I know for sure first hand for one of them and from Elder Holland on the other.

One of Elder Holland's best talks is located here.  This is an Ensign to me as a leader and we changed the way we do things because of it.

The Friends Our Scouts Have

As I have mentioned before, Scout leaders in the LDS Church are also youth ministers.  In listening to a talk (a sermon** taught by a member of our congregations) this Sunday, I had some interesting thoughts coming from this scripture:

2 And straightway many were gathered together, insomuch that there was no room to receive them, no, not so much as about the door: and he preached the word unto them.
3 And they come unto him, bringing one sick of the palsy, which was borne of four.
4 And when they could not come nigh unto him for the press, they uncovered the roof where he was: and when they had broken it up, they let down the bed wherein the sick of the palsy lay.
5 When Jesus saw their faith, he said unto the sick of the palsy, Son, thy sins be forgiven thee.

This man's friends didn't let a little crowd get in the way of helping their extremely sick friend.  It wasn't just one friend either.  It was a group of 4 looking out for their friend.  They saw an obstacle and came up with an "outside the box" solution.  These friends knew their friend needed help.  And they truly cared for their friend because they were bringing him to the Healer of Healers.  In fact, their faith healed the friend they cared for so much.  They only had one thing on their minds - help their friend at any costs with any solution they could come up with.

I hope our Scouts (and my children) surround themselves with friends like these.  Friends are so important.  Being alone as a teenager is so incredibly difficult.  It can be done though but how much better for our Scouts and our children to be surrounded with friends who have similar values, similar beliefs and a belief that friendship should battle the winds of illness no matter what this illness is.

(This wasn't meant to be a sermon.)

**Hat tip to my congregations Young Women President for her talk on Sunday on this subject.