The Importance of Advisers

Venturing Adviser and Scoutmaster:

Our advisers lack something.  Either they have no drive, we are not giving them enough responsibility or they don't understand the importance of their role.

My adviser's attendance is about 50% leaving me not follow Youth Protection last week when we were learning how to play handball.  This isn't the first time either.  His job and his wife's job seem to be in the way of him showing up every week.  My only requirement for an adviser is just to show up every week.  

This week ASM sent ASM son to my house because he wasn't finished eating dinner and then we left to go play handball (which was AWESOME!!!  I mean it was so much fun!!!!) he showed up at my house 20 minutes late after we had left.  I needed him for rides.  When my wife told him where we were, he went home because he wasn't dressed for the activity and didn't have his cell phone to call me.  I had 11 boys at the activity last night and I needed all hands on deck with the advisers that were here and I didn't get it.  I had ride issues partly because my adviser brought his kids but we would have still had ride issues even if he had not brought them.  I pilled more boys in my car than I had seat belts for TWICE!  ASM son absolutely melted down last night because he was "hurt" - ASM should have been there to mentor his son.  And he received a ton of ridicule for the way he played the game - the Scouts plus Varsity Scout J demoralized him.  Then he acted hurt when clearly he wasn't for attention's sake.  A couple of the shinning moments was Varsity Scout T telling me he was going to punch Varsity Scout J's head off because he was ridiculing ASM son (I appreciate him standing up for him).  And Venturer L let ASM son score on him in goal on purpose though I am very sure ASM son didn't know he was allowed to score.  

And where is Venturing Adviser II?  Shouldn't he be mentoring the boys that will be in his Crew soon?

Had I had more adults at last night's activity I might have been able to address the Varsity Scout J/Varsity Scout T issue and the Deacon/ASM son issue more fully than I did.  My adviser spent most of his time making sure his kids were OK and not focusing on the boys.  While the boys minus ASM son had an AWESOME time, the leader side left something to be desired.  The boys didn't see the behind the scene issues other than having to squeeze into my car when they were all sweaty.  And had my wife gone to YW last night, I wouldn't have been able to get them all to the hockey rink because of the size of my car.  We need leaders to show up when and where they are supposed to.  

I know these emails mostly go unanswered so I guess this is an FYI.

Fishgutts

5 to 1 Rule

I found an interesting article by Walter over at ScoutmasterCG.com about negativity being more hurtful than we ever thought.  Walter discusses that there must be five positive feedback to each negative feedback or the relationship will fail!!

I was shocked that the results were a failed relationship.  Granted there will still be some sort of a relationship but it won't be effective.  It may just be a relationship on the outside but not on the inside.  Leadership skills can't be learned.  Testimony can't be shared.  Friendship will be over when they are no longer a Scout.

I had many different kinds of Scout Leaders as a Scout.  One was a McDonald's milk shake kind of leader.  Every week, we would climb into his big, red Bronco and drive to McDonalds and we would order a milk shake.  We would then sit in the parking lot and talk.  Maybe my Mom called him and asked him to just talk to me.  Granted on the outside this must look like he not only was violating YP (don't think it was around back in 1991) but also a bad leader.  But I think he cared about me.  My Dad was in the military and always gone from home on temporary duty assignments and an 18 month tour in the Azores.  Maybe instead of helping me with a merit badge, he was working on our relationship.  Maybe he was helping me clear my head and voice my frustrations.  I can't remember him ever chastising me.  He showed he cared.  Whenever you are Brother Funk (Denver, CO), I thank you.  You have helped determine who I am as a Scout leader.  I think of your example often.

As another example, in the same unit ~ I went on my first winter campout from moving from the desert.  I was poorly equipped.  I wore jeans.  It had snowed.  My jeans melted the snow and then froze.  I had a horrible tent.  It was a real eye opener for me.  When I was on verge of hypothermia, I freaked out.  I was yelling and screaming about being cold asking for help!  I couldn't get warm enough.  I was a Scoutmaster's nightmare.  In the midst of my fit, my Scoutmaster slapped me in front of all the other boys.  It was humiliating.  I deserved the slap.  I still believe that today but to have it done in front of my peers instead of pulling me aside to talk to me, I will never forget.  In the end, my Scoutmaster ran me to the cabin, threw my clothes in the dryer, me in the warm shower and got me warmed up again.  He was so condescending to me while we were at the cabin.  Instead of seeing it as his failure to help me prepare for the winter campout, it was all my fault (and to a certain extent it was my fault).  I made it through the rest of the campout OK.  I got better equipped quickly for the next campout.  I am sure wherever that Scoutmaster is today, I was one of his worse memories.

Both memories now I see for good and bad.  Both experience are quick to my memory as both ends of leadership scale.  I appreciate both experiences though.  I appreciate the positive more than the negative.  In the end, I am better for having experienced both!  The positive stuck with me just like the negative did.  I remember the positive more quickly.

Discipline

This is a great podcast on discipline by ScoutmasterCG.com.