Saturday, July 18, 2015

Being Brave - What does it mean?

I was called brave by a friend recently for some recent physical "activities" I participate in. I am not sure that is what I would call it. My Mother would call it dumb, unnecessary and say to me "Are you sure that is the smart thing to do?" while shaking her head. As I have said in the past and I say again "New body, new challenges!"

I definitely don't feel brave. Sometimes I am scared inside. Scared mostly of the unknown.

There are plenty of times I am scared of things. Even things I have done in the past and am doing again. Physically this applies to Goruck in hot August that I am training for or Tough Mudder in October. Emotionally this means being a single parent/person again. Spiritually this means relying again MORE on the Lord than I have in the past (I know I should be doing this more and more every day but a control freak is a control freak. I will say I am better at this now than I have ever been in my life and I proud of that fact. I just have a ways to go.). There are plenty of times I have asked "Why?" to get an unclear answer to me. Plenty of times I have cried - even cried myself to sleep. Plenty of times I have entered an empty home to hate being there. Plenty of times I have wanted to roll over in bed and have someone to talk to or to cuddle with.

On to the more positive - I am learning to square my shoulders. To turn into the trial winds of life. Whispering under my breath "Well this sucks...." and keep going and dealing with it.

So my choice to be brave now is made through being calm. It is hard for me especially when I want to know things here and now. Part of this calmness comes from just being plain tired emotionally, spiritually and physically. Part of it comes from a blessing. Part of it comes from counsel from family and a couple friends. Hopefully I can continue this way.

So what does it mean to you to be brave?
Whatever it is, be it.

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