Sunday, December 4, 2016

Why I hate Christmas

The past 20 years of Christmas have been painful for me. I was just in the wrong place with the wrong people. Holidays were really not ever about anything I wanted as a father and as the head of a home. I am sure that sounds a bit selfish but I tried for years to establish family traditions. What I wanted for my family was sort of overwritten by what extended family wanted especially when it put us out and wasn't really asked but just sort of told to me.

Last year I took my holidays into my own hands. I finally had the ability to make things different after a VERY difficult summer. That was probably the worst summer I have ever experienced. Those who know what happened know how deadly painful it was for me. After such a difficult summer, at Christmas time I created a plan to quietly serve others with ditch stuff on people's doorsteps, ringing their doorbell and running like the wind (OK, I am fat -- I ran more like a cow with a bad leg that should be put down with a bullet to the head). By following the advice of friend and religious leader I went out of my way to bake and deliver goodies to some of the people around me.

I love this tree!!!
This year has already been different. Different like not only physically but also spiritually and emotionally. Christmas music has new meaning. I have actually liked it after years of not liking it. Shopping for presents has been easy. My kids have finally been stress free in my home. Remembering what my God has done for me has been easier  and when I occasionally forget I am reminded quickly by my better half. Even after hearing last week I have to go back to court AGAIN I feel like there might be hope. 

This Christmas for me is about hope especially through adversity. 
It is about not being alone.
It is about my kids not being alone.
It is about having the same goals.
It is about not ever giving up.
It is about two loves. The love of my Savior and the love of my beautiful wife (and having more fun with her - she is a blast!!)

Here is to hoping that this Christmas and 2017 destroys 2016 and 2015. I am ready to catch my breath. Ready to see more of the good than the bad. 

I am ready to just be happy!!

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